How to save a relationship in crisis: Is your relationship in crisis? We bring some ideas and reflections that can help you to prevent this shipwreck.
Relationship problems are very common. All relationships go through conflicts of some kind, and it is these that determine whether the bond is prolonged or ends up dissolving. Saving a relationship in crisis can be difficult, since it is only possible with the commitment of both parties. After all, it is impossible for a relationship to recover if only one party wants it to happen .Before showing you some tips to save a relationship in crisis, keep in mind that you must learn to identify when it is convenient to take a step back . Making an exhaustive assessment of the pros and cons of continuing with him or her, at the end of stability, respect and the common life project, should be your starting point. Only then will they ensure that they do what is best for both of them.
7 tips to save a relationship in crisis
The first thing you should keep in mind is that there is no magic recipe to save a relationship in crisis. Each relationship is different, so each one of them has its roadmap to avoid shipwreck . It is true that we can establish certain patterns in common that mediate the deterioration and the conflicts that arise midway.
We leave you with some ideas that can be very useful.
1. Identify what the real problem is
As the experts point out, the couple’s agreement regarding the problems that underlie the bond predicts commitment and the positive results of couples therapy. When both parties agree on the reasons that have led their relationship to a state of crisis, they can establish goals and change processes that lead to a strengthening of the bond.
The foregoing is impossible when the causes and motives of the conflict differ between both parties. Although there must be mutual agreement, the truth is that the reflection must begin in private. That is, meditate for yourself on what are the obstacles, the problems, the vicissitudes and the causes that have led to your relationship being in crisis. Then, talk to your partner and try to objectively establish the causes of it.
A moment of reflection alone about the relationship, what has happened and what is desired is essential.
2. Assume your share of responsibility
Two things often happen in couple conflicts: one chooses to reject that one’s own actions are part of the problem (which leads to accusing the other) or to completely assume that oneself is the only one responsible for the conflict. Both attitudes are equally wrong, since the only valid option is to assume the share of responsibility that each one has. No more no less.
This requires many things: maturity, commitment to the relationship, objectivism, and introspection about what has been said or done in the past. If responsibility for certain actions is not taken, if they are not acknowledged, then it is impossible for changes to be applied in the present that will prevent the conflict from arising again in the future for the same reasons.
3. Put aside pathological jealousy
Not all conflict begins with jealousy, although many of them do. Evidence indicates that pathological jealousy is indicative of dissatisfaction , and this can lead to crisis episodes.
It is pertinent to distinguish the nature of jealousy, since these are not always related to something bad. There is healthy jealousy, those that are a symptom of attachment and appreciation for the other.
Healthy jealousy has to do with concern for the relationship and is a natural consequence of attachment. Pathological jealousy does just the opposite: it destroys both the relationship itself and the individuals in it . You cannot save a relationship in crisis without first reflecting on whether it has reached this point due to jealousy taken to the extreme.
4. Establish autonomy in the relationship
The commitment in a couple relationship does not imply that everything that is done revolves around it. Nor that interpersonal relationships with others or with oneself are neglected. Experts have found that character individuality is very important for marital satisfaction . This happens for many things, among them we highlight:
- Have your own opinions and ideas.
- Share time with friends, family and colleagues.
- Do things alone.
- Disagree within the relationship (you cannot and do not have to agree on everything).
- Have time and space away from the relationship.
Certainly, a couple relationship is a link between at least two people, without this implying that the character of individuality is lost. When this happens, it is most likely that over time it will lead to frustration, anguish, boredom and a prevailing need to flee from it. Create a space and channels to share with yourself and those around you .
5. Practice forgiveness
Another tip to save a relationship in crisis is to practice true forgiveness . Certainly, forgiveness is distributed today without a true intention; something that inevitably leads to resentment, rancor and animosity or enmity . As the experts point out, forgiveness should be oriented to the well-being of the other person above your own.
You should also practice self-forgiveness, start by sharing good morning images and try to say sorry on wahtsapp, this in relation to things that have been said or done in the past that have affected the relationship. Forgiveness takes time, so it’s something you should start cultivating early in your journey to save a failing relationship. It requires empathy, otherness or consideration and understanding .
6. Be open and honest
Another of the core practices to save a worn relationship is to be completely open and honest with respect to the other and the relationship itself. It is impossible to consolidate a solid and stable relationship on the basis of lies .
Be honest about your intentions in the relationship, your projections for the future, your wishes, the changes you want to incorporate and what you don’t like.
Sincerity together with commitment are the most important foundations of a relationship.
7. Seek professional help
You can apply the previous steps by yourself by talking with your partner. However, on many occasions a professional therapist can accelerate the process and find blind spots that deteriorate the relationship and that neither of you have thought of until now. Do not close yourself to seeking help of this type, especially if you are convinced that you want to build a life project with your partner.
We reiterate that each relationship is different and that its members should consider whether or not it is worth betting on the relationship. Each case is particular, since it is not the same to save a relationship in crisis due to episodes of infidelity, lack of communication, violence or total indifference. The truth is that, in most cases, there is salvation.